Fri. Dec 6th, 2019


Ensuring a camaraderie in all depositions we find ourselves

Men Overcoming Approach Anxiety

5 min read

A prestigious firm it was. The height of the astonishing architectural structure of the building stood out amidst all other buildings that surrounded it. It was a great spectacle to behold on the streets of Calabar.  A single revolving glass door leads into the building. Every day, Etim steps into the revolving door, pessimistic about how the day’s job will go, and every evening he stepped out thinking of how he had nothing but his huge apartment and dog to go back home to.


This became an unfortunate routine until that very day he was star struck in that same revolving glass of a door. Her beauty enchanted him into a trance, few seconds spent in the revolving door seemed liked minutes as things evolved into slow motion. Hooked on her gaze, he began to shiver even though the sun was high up in the sky. The hypnotism broke as the revolving cycle was complete. She stepped out of the building just as he stepped into the building.


His manly instinct told him what to do but it seemed like a ship anchor rooted him to the spot. He wanted to go approach her but he dreaded unlikely gestures she may return. The few seconds that passed seemed to be the longest moments of his life as his conscience was debating on what to do and what not to do. Soon he lost sight of her as he stared with fixed concentration through the revolving glass, it then dawned on him that he hadn’t the iota of confidence in approaching women since Chinaza, the first lady he tried to woo.


Most men often tend to grow cold feet whenever they see a beautiful lady that they’re attracted to, but you can’t really blame some of them as they probably had a sheltered childhood, are natural shy, grew up amidst male siblings, were fed with the wrong information about the female species or grew up being intimidated by women. So their fear to meet new people or chase after the woman they want makes them end up settling for less or taking whatever comes their way.


So you see this beautiful lady next to you, you want her so bad and you really want to meet her, then your mind goes into a nervous cataclysm. You picture all the negative outcomes that could transpire if you walk up to her and try starting a conversation. You picture her blowing you off, you picture her slapping you, you picture her making a mockery of you, and concisely you picture an embarrassing rejection. Don’t be dispirited, having such feelings doesn’t make you a wuss, it is totally natural and yet it’s something you can overcome. The stiffness you feel in your heart and the adhesive beneath your fit were only created by your mind to prevent you from getting what you want. The good thing is that it’s a thing of the mind so you can always change or correct it.


To overcome approach anxiety, as it is popularly called. You have to change your mind frame which makes you feel inadequate. You need to be confident and feel good about yourself. Ask me what best way to feel good about one’s self and I will tell you to look good, dress well, display good grooming and maintain proper hygiene. No woman wants a sleaze ball. When you’re well dressed, it spurs up positive feeling and energy in you, thus increasing your confidence and making you feel good about yourself. The same thing applies to women as they are not totally confident around people they aren’t so close to unless they’re clean and well dressed.


We have been taught in science class that like poles repel and unlike poles attract but the law of magnetism doesn’t apply to human dealings and attitude, except for the law of homogenous species. No one wants to be associated with someone oozing negative vibe. Happy individuals want to mingle with happy people and rich people want to connect with other rich people.


Knowing that human feelings and attitude could be contagious, we all want to be associated with people that emanate positive energy and not with people that will depress us with their negative vibe. Nothing radiates positive energy more than confidence, so be confident, believe in your value and high self-worth. Have the mind frame of the prize; knowing that if she turns you down she will be losing out on a great guy. When you have the mind-set of the prize, you make yourself believe that you the person of great interest she has to win over or compete for.


Having this in mind you will be able to approach anybody. Another important thing is that you don’t need to start reciting conversation scripts you’ve memorized in your head, just flow with the conversation, keep good eye contact, communicate with a positive body language, don’t sound too cocky, and don’t come acting like a pervert. Practice this often, be it with someone you are attracted to or someone you’re not attracted to and you will see your social or people skills improve which is beneficial in all works of life.


In this part of the world, our women are expected to wait for the man to make a move. Although civilization, open-mindedness, desperation or probably uncontrollable lust seems to be making some women approach men, yet it is still a common trend for them to wait for you to make the move even when they’re interested. One thing men must realize is that a timid lady will always have men that will approach her but not much can be said for a timid man who has slimmer chances at achieving a real relationship that he truly deserves and in which he won’t be exploited. So be the man, go for what you want and like always say, “Rejection is normal, everybody can’t like you and it’s not their fault that they don’t”.

Reality is that the person you want to approach may not even be worth it in compatibility or expectations.


Nonetheless, you have to kiss many frogs before you kiss the princess. So get out there, meet new people, build your social circle, have fun, exchange ideas and fortunately you might just meet that special someone you truly deserve. Women should also realize that men are egotistic creatures and that it takes a great deal for them to walk up to women, so ladies should be nice, approachable and make their disinterest known in a subtle manner.


This article is also applicable to other aspects of life in the sense that you should never talk yourself out of carrying out new things. Feel good about yourself, be confident in your dealings with people in business or work and be optimistic towards things in life. Be a go-getter!!


Disclaimer: in approaching an eye catcher, be tact and discreet; some people could be frustrated, in a hurry, unhappy, stressed out or generally in a bad mood. It’s never a good time to approach such people. Chances are high that they will be irritable in responding to you. Body language and time are necessary.

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